If This Isn’t Nice, What Is?
By Colleen Edwards
How do you play LIFE?
I stared at the instructions on the sheet and thought to myself, “Well shit if I know,” thinking about my own personal life and how to ‘play.’
My family doesn’t usually play a lot of board games when we are all together, but for some reason, we pulled out LIFE when my brother, sister, dad, mom and I were all home for the holidays a couple of weeks ago.
With siblings, Ross and Lydia, in early childhood.
My family has spent more time together in the past year than we have our entire adult lives due to the pandemic, changing jobs, and remote work. Being back together in the same house as adults has a different feel to it.
You still feel like a kid in a lot of ways. Mom cooks and Dad BBQs. You still have the same petty arguments with your siblings.
Our entire lives have changed since we all lived together, but it also feels as though nothing has changed at all.
My sister Lydia (27) and I always shared a room and we still have the same teeny twin beds. On Christmas morning, my twin brother Ross and I (25) are still the first ones awake.
When we were little we would wake up at 5:00 am and I would sew clothes for our stuffed animals until it was time to go downstairs. (Don’t ask me why my stuffed bunny needed a jacket in a California winter. She just did.) Every year, we have to drag my sister out of bed because she loves to sleep in.
Whenever the three of us are together, it’s controlled chaos. Ross still makes weird noises just to annoy me and Lydia likes to burp in my face. I get dramatic and make sure she knows just how disgusted I am. Kid flaws.
Ross pulled out Mad Libs when we were home, and it’s just as funny now as it was 20 years ago. We literally laughed our asses off for hours writing in adjectives and pronouns and reading the stupid story back to each other. Ross broke his leg recently so he has to wear these special shoes that you can hear from a mile away. Lydia took to calling him ‘Squeakers.’ I strained a nerve in my neck trying to get out of bed on Christmas morning and spent three hours trying to move again. Life, am I right?
Ross pulled out LIFE from the old game room closet and the five of us sat down to win. We had to pull out the instructions to settle quite a few arguments along the way, and that’s when I read along the top “Instructions for The Game of Life.”
I thought that was the funniest thing in the world.
What if we were given a book with instructions on how to live our lives?
Don’t eat that: You’re allergic. Don’t sleep with this person: They’re an asshole. Don’t buy yourself that jacket: You’ll wear it twice and then think it’s the ugliest thing you’ve ever seen. Your car’s extended warranty is not about to expire. Baby shoes. (Seriously? Babies DO NOT need shoes).
I was having all of these wine-infused thoughts as we started playing the game.
My mom decides not to go the college route (this mirrored her actual life) and my dad goes to college and ends up with $40,000 in debt, as do Lydia, Ross, and I.
Both of my parents have worked full-time jobs since they were 13. They never stopped showing up for us and gave us all the tools to make the right choices in our lives. As the three of us have grown up and looked back on our childhoods, we know how good we had it. Our parents were always magnificent role models and we are even luckier today to have them be our friends. I still carry around a note my Dad wrote me once in high school when I was having a rough day.
It says, Work as hard as you can, and then work harder.
That little saying is all you need to know about my parents.
The author and her brother Ross (left).
The game continues.
Ross put his little stick people in the back of his “self-driving car.” Lydia ends up with an actual broken house with too many kids to fit. My dad doesn’t want kids (oops) and does everything possible not to land on the spaces that will get you one. My mom keeps forgetting which color car she is. I end up with a successful career as a doctor but live in a trailer home.
I reflect a lot on life with my siblings. I am incredibly close with Ross and Lydia. They have played a huge role in shaping the person I am today. It has been the biggest advantage of my life to grow up beside them, to learn and trust from them.
Ross gave me some of the best advice this year. He told me, “People put too much emphasis on the geographical location of things. It’s really about your ability to develop as a person.” No matter where you go or how far you run, the same issues will follow you if you don’t own up to your shit and try to make yourself better.
This is the same guy who orders a cup of water at restaurants to dip his fingers in after he’s finished eating because he hates greasy fingers and can’t be bothered to get up and wash his hands.
When LIFE is finished and you ‘retire’ at Countryside Acres or Millionaire Estates, you flip over your LIFE tiles to see what you did throughout your life. The tiles say things like winning the Nobel peace prize, curing the common cold, and saving an endangered species.
No wonder I had such high expectations for my life when I was little. The creators of LIFE should be sued for instilling false hope in millions of children around the world. (Harsh, but hey, that’s LIFE).
I truly believe Lydia will win the Nobel Peace Prize one day. She has been a global leader in multiple nonprofits and is now working for GLAAD in strategic partnerships. She has traveled the world giving speeches and empowering young people. But the role she has taken most seriously in her life is being a big sister to Ross and me.
Lydia is always there. She knows when we need her most and has never let us down. She taught me that the things we try so hard to hold onto are not meant for us. The point of life is not what we thought we wanted, but what we had in the first place.
The author and her sister Lydia (top).
All in all, the game only lasted about 30 minutes.
After it was finished, my dad said, “Well, that went fast.”
I thought about what he said for a very long time. I’m 25 and yes, I have my entire life ahead of me. This is what many would call ‘prime time’ and I need to treasure and take hold of everything I can.
Why doesn’t it feel this way?
Everyone has a responsibility to themselves, what they want, and their own happiness. Nobody can give it to you.
Time moves fast and nobody ever gets enough of it. You can’t play life without constantly wondering why you’re stuck. You have to keep spinning, moving, and changing. But during all this time when you are figuring out what you want, who you are, and what you can do… Please be kind.
My mom instilled that in us from the time we were born. Being kind is the easiest thing to do, so make it a priority.
Kurt Vonnegut once said, “My Uncle Alex Vonnegut, an insurance salesman who lived at 5033 North Pennsylvania, taught me something very important. He said that when things are going really well we should be sure to notice it. He was talking about very simple occasions, not great victories. Maybe drinking lemonade under a shade tree, or smelling the aroma of a bakery, or fishing, or listening to music coming from a concert hall while standing in the dark outside, or, dare I say, after a kiss. He told me that it was important at such times to say out loud, ‘If this isn't nice, what is?’”
The author’s parents.
Ever since I read that quote, I started saying it out loud.
When I’m on a bike ride with my dad, when I’m alone and I see a cute dog, when I’m sitting in a coffee shop drinking tea, I smile and say, “If this isn’t nice, what is?”
I’m happier because of it. Noticing moments when you should be happy makes you realize all the little better moments of the day.
What defines our lives is how we treat people, how people remember us, how you made someone feel, and how you make yourself feel. We get to choose how we go about our days. In some way or another, we all have the same thoughts and feelings throughout our lives. That is so special… How connected we all are without realizing it.
I’m not saying that people get to choose the life they are born into, and some have it so much shittier than others.
But I hope that everyone finds some love in their lives in one form or another, and is able to give that love back. After all, that is what makes us human.
We have the choice to figure out what we most want out of this life… What and who is worth suffering for?
Play the game of life, but don’t forget to stop, look around every once in a while and say, “If this isn’t nice, what is?”
Colleen Edwards loves burritos, writing, and camping. She works for Chicago’s Homeless Coalition to find housing for people who are in need. She hopes to one day write for National Geographic. Follow her on Instagram: @colleenedwards
