Frames of Happiness

Apr 9

By Andrine Theiss and Franzi Theisen

I am one of the biggest pleasure-seekers there is, and therefore it is easy for me to find enjoyment in the world around me. Especially in all the little things that make life more bearable. But happiness is a state of mind that can be as easily achieved as it can be lost. Everybody that has experienced heartbreak or a dispute of some sort before would agree with me on that.

Since “happiness” is a variable with lots of confounding individual factors, I wanted to spice up my limited view of things with a different opinion. And where else would I get the most profound answers I could ever think of than from the most helpful human in my environment: my friend Franzi. She always has the best tips and certainly understands the world more than I do (at least most of the time). So we sat down, enjoyed a beer (or two), and had a good time.

We can’t promise you life-changing advice on “how to be happy”, but maybe our discussion enriches your own thoughts.

Andrine: It’s working. Nice. So Franzi, how would you define “being happy?” We'll start with something light.

Franzi: Alright [Haha]- being happy just in general?

A: Yes.

F: [Puh] Being carefree I guess. That I don't have to worry about anything. Money-wise or, I don't know, relationship-wise with friends or family, or yeah ... I can't think of anything else right now.

A: Good that you mention that. I had also written down the question of “whether financial security makes you happy – at least to a certain degree?”

F: I think for everybody it is sort of a foundation because you can only say you don't care if you have that foundation.

A: Right.

F: And then after a certain level, a lot of things are luxuries. But you need something to live on first. That's the carelessness I am talking about. And everybody has different standards, I would say. For some, it's enough. Some want more. That's all okay. Just different humans with different needs. Do you want me to address any questions to you as well?

A: You're welcome to do that! [Haha] Well, I have to agree with you. Fortunately, being happy is not an abstract construct or whatever [irony]. But you're right that such a financial basis is important and it offers you the carelessness on which you can build your life on. Did I just repeat what you were saying? [Haha] Thinking about it, a question arises in my mind: can you only be happy when you're carefree, or is it still possible to actually make the best out of every situation?

F: Probably not, that would mean that people who live in not-so-nice circumstances are not happy. That's not true either. You come to terms with your situation.

A: What I've definitely learned in this “Corona Year” is, that even the smallest things can make you super happy. If you’re open and let yourself go with it. For example, when the sun shines in the morning and then your bedroom is so flooded with light. That already makes me happy. And it's actually something completely normal, but you're noticing it so consciously for the first time because you're also exposed to fewer stimuli (because of the lockdown situation).

F: Yeah, if somehow the woman at the bakery was nice or something.

A: Yeah! Any hobbies or any values that make you happy?

F: Values? What do you mean?

A: Values in the sense of “things that are very important to you in life and if you achieve them, you would be outstandingly happy” also in the sense of "I want to be such and such a person who does such and such a thing or who is always such and such?”

F: Ah yes, those values exist [Haha]. My approach is to meet people in an unbiased way, no matter what I've heard about them or no matter how I feel about myself in that situation. It is difficult for me sometimes. I think we all struggle with that . But it makes me happy if I manage to be that unbiased person.

F: Other “values” are being active and sporty as often as I can. Hobbies are generally important to me and make me happy.

A: [Haha] I'm completely different. I find pleasure in doing nothing sometimes.

F: Well, I like that too – when I am tired or so. But after a while I get jittery.

A: I'm curious how the program translates "jittery". That's very specific German [It worked out well] By the way, what is your most beautiful memory and your most unhappy memory? Any off the top of your head?

F: Maybe we'll leave that out. Or come back to it later. It's hard for me to say.

A: Yeah we can definitely talk about it later. I couldn’t answer it either.

F: To pin down one memory from like billions of memories – it’s hard [Haha].

A: Shifting to something more exciting: How did living in Bali change your perception of happiness? Would you say you were happy in Bali?

F: Yes, definitely!

A: Happier than you are now?

F: I wouldn't say that. That I was overly carefree, I would argue. I didn't really have anything that I had to fulfill and I knew that this was just going to be my time to do whatever I wanted. And afterward, I just would come back to my life and decide what I want to do with it.

A: And you lived by the sea and it was warm. Not freezing your ass off.

F: Yes, always great weather and always cool people around. You also had a lot of freedom because money was simply not an issue. You just have to say that too. For Balinese conditions, as a European, you automatically had a lot of money in your account.

A: So carelessness through financial security .... Sounds familiar.

F: Yes! [Haha] That's why so many people go there. Because you can be there for so long for so little money.

A: You're right. In Denmark, it really bothered me. I couldn't pursue my hobbies, like cooking and stuff. That did drag me down a little bit.

F: I remember that you were always looking at prices in the supermarket. But we do that here at home as well - if I don't have so much money in a month I turn over every cent twice, hide under a blanket and wait for the next month.

A: In Denmark, they had a section in every supermarket where they put things that are about to expire. Some German supermarkets are doing that now. And I always bought bread there. I never bought a loaf of bread in Denmark from a bakery, always from this box, because everything else was either super expensive or not good. German bread is actually the gold standard [Haha]

F: They must have had some good dark rye bread too, right?

A: Nothing good that was also cheap.

F: I think you hurt a lot of Danes just now [Haha]. And yeah, cooking is really one of those things - dealing with food can be very satisfying.

A: Also the social part of it! And no worries – the Danes have hygge – something we should envy [Haha]. Would you agree with the saying that joy shared is joy doubled?

F: Yes, that's why gift-giving is so much fun.

A: That’s also valid to cooking for people. I often feel like I'm sharing something very special with people when we cook together. On such a different level, because we don't exchange material things, but time and knowledge (?) and a good experience. I don’t know [Haha]. Are you also a person who loves the little things in life?

F: I would say so of myself, yes.

A: I would say so too. How about the big things in life? How important is your work to you in your life? I know you've taken a new path in your career just now.

F: Oh yeah, a lot has changed. Sure, work is very important. I would say so because you spend a lot of your life at work and that's why it's so important. That doesn't always mean that it has to be something in which you are completely absorbed in. But in any case, you need to be able to identify with your job.

A: But it shouldn't go too far, right? The boundaries between your life and your work life shouldn't be too blurred either.

F: Absolutely. It's different for everybody, but for me, boundaries are important, because it's very healthy when you can just go home and switch off and then work is kind of like a big hobby to you. You need free time for your inner balance.

A: Okay, that's right. I have nothing to add here.

F: What’s your opinion on that?

A: Yeah jobs are pretty rad. I mean, that's what you do for like half your life and in most cases, it's not really up to you to just go in a completely different direction. At some age, you just say okay I am stuck here now ...

F: Or choosing what you want in the first place is also not up to a lot of people.

A: That's true and that's why we're so lucky to have a choice. I would guess that for everything that I could have chosen, I would have had approval from my parents in some way. And if not approval, then at least support. Like financially. And I do appreciate that. That we have all the space to develop and that we can also say okay, we want to learn something else now or we want to do something completely different now. But then again, I also find it difficult to decide. What I am saying is, that there are too many options [Haha]

F: And especially now you have to decide earlier and earlier in your life.

A: That's right.

F: Well, in the past, the path was often predefined, because there just weren't that many options and you said, "Okay, I just need money to somehow feed my family” and so on. But now it's just not like that anymore.

A: You also have to be an expert in your field to be attractive to companies.

F: "Attractiveness" also depends on which area you are in. Whether your position is in general demanded or not. But I mean a lot of times you just have to be able to sell yourself well. We've talked about this before - a lot of times you might go to a doctor who is not that much more competent than the other one. But he has a nice office with pleasant light and the receptionists are always very nice and he seems self-confident in what he is doing. Then you feel like you are in good hands, even if you’re not in the best hands. So yes, you just have to sell yourself confidently. Period [Haha]

A: That's right. Fortunately, we are experts at being confident [irony]. Fake it till you make it.

F: Says Heidi Klum too - she must know.

A: It's the same with my current client. She could have just written to an agency. She probably would have paid more doing that, but she would have had results faster. Kind of funny. But she chose me because of our personal connection.

F: That`s so nice of her [Haha]

A: I think it's so difficult to choose a job whilst being expected to know everything and having to fulfill 1,000,000 expectations of different people. And in the end, switching your professions after realizing it doesn’t fit is also not welcomed. There are definitely nicer things. I think I lost my point [Haha]

F: Yes, that also depends on the job field. But if you're applying to a bigger company, it's probably more likely than if you're applying to a small creative start-up. They could see it as an advantage if you've seen and done a lot of different things and show that you don't have a rigid plan for your life just yet.

A: True. I've exhausted my pool of tentative questions. Do you have any more questions?

F: [Ummm]

A: That's what they taught us in university - in qualitative surveys you should always ask the respondent if he or she has something to add. Maybe you get some particularly exciting insights that way.

F: Aha, I'm a very good example then [Haha].

A: [Haha] No, not really. In conclusion, would you say that you're acutely happy now with the situation and your life and everything around it?

F: Yes. Et toi mon ami?

A: Maybe not 100% with the situation itself, that we are in lockdown number three right now, but it’s necessary.

F: It is how it is.

A: But I'm very happy with what we made out of it. Happy to have you guys!

F: Well said - heads up! [Haha]