My Toolbelt
By Owen Clarke
I wouldn’t consider myself “depressed” in a clinical sense, but I do suffer from neuropathy and fibromyalgia, and as result, when my symptoms get bad I often find myself struggling to stay positive. When things are good they’re good, but a single really rough pain day or series of flare ups always has potential to send me into a downward spiral emotionally, if I’m not careful.
So I’m nowhere near in complete control of my mind obviously, but I haven’t dealt with chronic pain for nearly a decade now without learning a few tips and tricks to stay afloat. Most of these tactics are easily applied to life in general, whether you deal with chronic health issues or not.
In this piece, I’ll talk about the three primary techniques I use to stay stoked and keep my head above water, even when my body and/or brain isn’t feeling so hot. Whether it’s a really rough pain day, lady troubles, pain-in-the-ass clients at work, or something else, these three are the first things I turn to.
1. Exercise
Duh, right? Sure, exercise is one of the first things folks will tell you to do if you’re feeling down. Exercise improves mental health by reducing anxiety, depression, and negative mood and by improving self-esteem and cognitive function. Exercise has also been found to alleviate symptoms such as low self-esteem and social withdrawal... Blah blah, endorphins, blah blah. That’s a study from the NIH, by the way, so it isn’t hogwash (I haven’t met anyone who doesn’t feel a little better after a bit of exercise). That said, that sort of glossy overall description can leave you high and dry if for whatever reason you aren’t able to exercise traditionally.
Exercising always made me feel better about myself, but for years I could barely exercise at all without extreme pain. I couldn’t do a single pushup without shooting pains in my shoulders, neck, and face. I couldn’t go for a run because my feet were burning all the time. Some of my high school buddies will remember there was a time I couldn't even sit down in a chair without extreme pain up the backs of my thighs and buttocks (I took my college entrance exams standing up at a podium, and carried a foam putt pad around to class for much of my junior year of high school).
I’ve recently found a few medications and treatments that have dulled my pain somewhat, so I do workout daily now, but even during those years where my exercise capabilities were limited, I had to find some way to keep my body moving.
The real thing to remember when you hear the word “exercise” is that it means something different to everyone. It doesn’t necessarily mean going to the gym and lifting weights or hitting the treadmill. It can simply mean taking a walk every day, or going outside and having a sword fight with your little brother, or dancing to your favorite band. Exercise just means moving your body.
When I couldn’t do any land-based aerobic or anaerobic activities in my early 20s, because the pain was too much, I started swimming laps and doing water aerobics with the old folks at the local fitness center, because it was low impact enough to keep my pain response to a minimum. I was the only person under 65 in there, but fuck it, it kept me moving (and some old men gave me a load of marriage advice that might come in handy someday). I used to be a pretty strong rock climber as well, but when my neuropathy screwed up my hands, I started finding less technical objectives in the high mountains, and now I’m much more into mountaineering as opposed to rock climbing, and I love it.
Everyone could benefit from some form of physical activity daily. The trick is finding the form of exercise that is sustainable for you, mentally and physically, and then sticking to it. But I guarantee, it is out there.
The important part is to keep your body moving as much as possible. We ain’t dead yet, after all. A bit of exercise now and then has always helped me remember that.
2. More Production, Less Consumption
In the modern era we’re all consuming, constantly. Netflix. Instagram. Twitter. PlayStation. YouTube. TikTok. A half a dozen news channels all saying the same thing. Video games after work. We’re inundated with consumption. I can’t speak for anyone but myself, but all this consumption has destroyed my attention span. More importantly, it has left my creative muscles in poor form.
It’s worth noting that consumption isn’t all bad. Listening to music or podcasts, for example, can be informative and beneficial to our psyche, as can reading, among other things.
That said, much of the content we consume is pointless. Scrolling endlessly on social feeds looking at posts we won’t even remember in an hour. Watching our 37th Netflix show of the year. Playing three hours of Call of Duty every day. Following along as some dumbass YouTuber commentates on another YouTuber’s video.
This is the kind of shit we could always use a little less of.
That’s because it’s quite easy to get down on yourself when you’re simply soaking up what everyone else in the world has to offer and not firing back anything of your own. Ramping up your production and toning down your consumption is a surefire way to get more stoked on life. You start to remember your own worth, and start to remember exactly what you have to give to the world that’s so unique and special (and everyone has something, whether you realize it or not).
That’s why I firmly believe that everyone should be attempting to produce something besides text messages and social media posts.
In the modern era, it’s easier than ever to get your work out there, but the point isn’t to get noticed or to make money, it’s just to create something of your own. Even if your work sits in a closet for your entire life, you still made that shit.
Sometimes when I feel down, I just jot out a fantasy short story or a poem, and I always feel a bit better about my existence. Writing has been my main “product” and obviously it isn’t everyone’s, but no matter what your passion is, try to dedicate at least a small portion of your day (even just 30 minutes!) to produce something of your own.
Whether it’s making music or building toys or crafting jewelry or coding smartphone apps or designing tattoos or planning political campaigns, everyone has something in their back pocket if they dig deep enough. “Production” doesn’t have to strictly mean “producing” something either, it can also mean teaching others, or practicing a hobby like rock climbing or archery or poker or yoga, or whatever else you think you have to give to the world.
Hell, you could even write for Dead Foot Collective if you want :)
3. Live in Jell-O
Living in Jell-O is the ultimate way to maintain a level head throughout life’s ups and downs. What I mean by “Live in Jell-O” is this:
Be confident in who you are, but don’t be afraid to modify that vision of yourself.
Saying someone was “born yesterday” has a negative connotation, but if you take away the gullible implication, the idea that someone is fresh and reborn is really not such a bad thing. When I was 11, I wanted to be a writer. By the time I was 14, I decided I was going to be a military sniper, then a year later I had decided on becoming a “professional climbing dirtbag.”
By the time I was 17 I had developed chronic pain, given up on climbing and reckoned I was going to be an anti-poaching mercenary, fighting poachers in the Congo, or failing that, perhaps an eco-terrorist or a Kurdish YPG volunteer.
I’m now 23, and I’ve come back around almost full circle. I’m a Contributing Digital Editor and Columnist for Climbing (formerly Rock & Ice) among other writing roles for a variety of outdoor brands and publications. Despite landing this gig writing about climbing, I still have neuropathy, so I rarely climb (ironic, eh).
Of course, that kind of “here and there,” “plans changing constantly,” type of shit is common throughout our youth, but lots of us get out of high school or college and fall into this concrete mold of who we are, then ride that mold straight into the grave.
Why?
When I first developed pain and wasn’t able to rock climb anymore, I was devastated. I’d built my entire identity around climbing. I felt like I was nobody and nothing without it. Eventually, I found other things I loved. Motorcycles, surfing, traveling, books, movies, music, girlfriends, whatever.
I lost some of those things, too, then I found others. There were times when my pain was so bad that all I could really do was enjoy mellow hiking, and I learned to find some pleasure and beauty in that, too.
I had to let go of the idea of “Owen Clarke: Climber” and be willing to let myself become something else, over and over again.
Maybe what you’re holding onto isn’t a hobby, like I was. Maybe you’re holding onto a job/promotion you didn’t get, a life with a former lover, a grad school you didn’t get into, or a finger that got chopped off in an accident with a kitchen blender. It doesn’t really matter. These are all things that we inadvertently decide are part of our identities, and when we lose them, we get hung up about it.
Instead try to be fluid, live in the present, and be kind enough to yourself that you’re willing to change your image of yourself to fit your reality.
So basically “Live In Jell-O” just means “be flexible,” and I guess I could’ve titled this tip “Be Flexible,” but whatever. Living in Jell-O sounds more interesting.
You’re flesh and blood. Your cells are constantly regenerating. Dying and being born again. Replacing themselves. Let your mind do the same thing. Pretend you were born yesterday, and make today the first day of the rest of your life.
Owen Clarke is a writer, motorcyclist, and mountaineer currently based in Colorado, and the founder of this publication. You can find his work on his website.
